this wk was thankfully a pretty nice wk..
i mean yes even with ex fs no.2 going on, the amt of work done was much lesser than the previous wk where there were sweeps, displays n ex fs no.1 ..

so i silently thank the higher powers for the small favours they granted us..

it seem for a moment the juniors just might b able to take over by oct.. our landrovers hav finally returned after a long exile to the maintenace ppl n well the special buses our unit hav r rdy for famming too..

hopefully we wun hav a shortage of trainers... now that we dun hav a shortage of veh. haha..
yar..

on the other hand.. it is nice to hav 24 juniors under u.. lolz.. many minions to choose from n thus able to do alot more work in a much shorter time.. i mean morning area cleaning is now really a breeze.. haha.. n i m not complaining that we dun hav to clear rubbish anymore..

now now.. b4 u start to jump on me, saying we r abusing them n wadever not..
pls.. give your noble tongue a rest yar...

i tink its perfectly fine with using them... afterall we now hav a huge surplus of manpower, i mean u cant expect 24 guys to sweep leaves in an area that used to b done by a grp of 4 -5 guys.. haha i say 4-5guys coz thats usually the no. of senior pnr who appear for morning rollcall.. haha.. besides, in the name of efficency, we cant possible let them cluster fuck yes? ..

though.. i do feel if they hav finished cleaning the 'pnr area of area cleaning'.. they shld b allowed to go back to bunk to rest, instead of helping other dept... coz frankly no one ever helped us..

its not fair....

then again i dun understand why some of the commanders n elistee seem to really really dislike the new pnrs.. hmm they seem fine to me.. well i suppose everyone has to earn his keep.. so we'll see bah.. i mean we din start off with ppl liking us straight away.. haha

blahz!
enough of camp stuff ...


well this wld b one of those wkends where i go back to camp for duties again.. but at least went out with frens on friday.. had a stay-over which felt quite saggish.. haha

though the boardgames n dvds watching were quite nice i must say.. lots of bitching n sort but well tats us rite? haha ..

qs wld b entering into NS service soon.. though not under the grand armee but under police force.. some say it wld b slacker than army.. but well i m thinking that it will hav its own fair share of fucking n screw-upness.. haha

all the best to U!

yar... this wkend rocks... yar the wk b4 was fuck typed.. i mean after exercise flatsword then follwed by security sweeps.. sigh.. it nvr ends ar..

but whu cares?.. as long as my wkend r protected by the all powerful leave.. seriously whu cares.. so with leave.. i got sat, sun n mon free.. ok b4 anyone blast me for abusing the leave system.. i m not!.. lol.. n besides, using leave to block wkends r common in our unit.. at least i do so with reason.. n not like some who used oversea leaves when they r actually not oversea =P...

n i need a break as much as i u do too ..

sat was all family day.. ending off with a nice dinner at long beach at imm.. i wonder if the one at ECP wld b better.. well the food at long beach was nice i must say.. i personally preferred chilli crab byt mummy wanted to try black pepper n well it was nice.. the pekking duck well is ok i guess.. though i do like the way they cooked the meat.. hmmm nice! their signature prawns were nice too.. haha funny was we ordered so much we had to package back home lolz...

now that does not happened everyday..

the bill was of course ex, close to 200dollar.. aha haha... come to tink of i can tink of another grp of ppl who spent near to 200dollar on a meal.. haha

yar....

sunday was spent with sji peeps... watch movie eat things .. the sort.. we watched clone wars.. ok show i guess.. i mean its a cartoon.. so yar.. got some funny scenes... but i guess we shld hav watched Wall-E instead.. haha..

well another mvoe outing loh.. haha...

brought some new clothes.. since well it has been ages since i actually got new clothes...
n they r fast becoming stale.. n the insults r starting to pile up.. haha

so well.. the past few days been spending abit of money on clothes...
so far have 3 polo shirt.. hmmm

looking for t shirt n shorts... n well wit need b a jeans n pants too
boy boy.. i need more money..

haha

hmm on a random note.. it has been 1 years n 9mths liao since i entered our spore grand armee.. haha.. 3 more mths...

sweet air of freedom is coming.. i can feel it..
really i can... hopefully by oct, we can hand over.. then the grand spamming of off shall start n leaves too.. hehe.. i know i know a bit too optimistic but hey wads wrong with hoping rite?

somehow i m stil alive.. =)





hmm..

k finally i hav received the photos i wanted.. from the different sources.. so here they r:

36th EOD Pnr Cohesion
Shangrila IISS'08 - a look into a Pnr life
The Minori Outing

The first one is The EOD Pnr cohesion pic.. ya they took quite long to come.. but peeps were busy so yar.. it was held at sentosa.. so it was quite fun.. n quite unglam too

the 2nd is the IISS event .. probably the only pics that u will see of us in EOD.. coz the rest r well too 'revealing'.. ya

the 3rd is the only outing we had as EOD pnr. where we actually rmber to bring a camera. haha.. so

ENJOY!

n so AHM came .. n i ran, like duh

all year2 armyboy has to do it
whether u tink u r up to it.. haha

for those whu dun know, AHM is army half marathon.. its 21km n it starts very early in the day..
haha as of last year.. we woke up at 3plus am.. reached there in our semi zombie state at 4plus am.. n sagged.. literally sagged

this year the place of gathering was the Padang n boy wad a horrible place it was, i mean if it rained the nite b4, n the place was muddy to hell.. gosh.. can u imagine.. standing there waiting for something to happen while u slowly slowly sink into the mother earth.. not a gd thing...

not to mention it was cold n drizzling too

i guess it was quite amusing when it started to rain. n u see the engineer formation going into the shelter while the other formations were well standing in the rain.. hmm however u wan to argue it i dun really care.. call us engineer sissy or otherwise..

but in case u din notice.. AHM is not war.. n theres no need to prove your mantle by standing in the rain.. when war comes n it raining, i m sure we will b in open...

but its not war yet...
n its good to look after your health..

neway.. havinh run last year 21km AHM.. i tot this year shld b well not much of a surprise, afterall i know how far 21km is.. but well i must admit i was not as prepared for this year AHM compared to last year... since i tink most of us deproved abit or alot.. depending ya..

anyway.. this year i tried to pace andrew... n well i tot i was doing well.. managed to run the first 15km in his pace.. n i really tot there was a chance to get a 2h15min timing

theres a 2days off if u managed to hit 2h15min

however this year route was different.. n there was this irritating 'Path of the Engineer'.. n it was basically a nature path with a very fuck typed road.. sheesh they shld name it 'Path of the Devil' .. or 'The Path of the Dead'.. or 'The Path where u wil feel u ran alot but actually u ran very little' ...

saggish..

anyway it was just 1km.. but boy it felt long.. n not to mention i fell while trying take over someone.. zzz.. yet somehow though i felt fucked.. i still kept running.. but of course everything went downhill from there.. dun know if it was from the fall or wadever.. my legs started to cramp.. n like wad some say .. it started to feel like my leg did not belong to me.. haha..

not to mention when i saw that after running the nature trail it was only 1km... and not 2km or 3km.. haha.. pretty demoralizing really.. n so with a wound (which i tot was not that bad at that pt of time) n crampish legs.. i walked i tink around 2 to 3 km.. haha.. well it was not a walk completely... tried to run.. but in the name of not cramping up totally.. n falling over...

i had to run n walk n sometimes stretch too
sigh

only when i reached the 19km did i tried to push more.. n more... but yah i started to feel both legs cramping.. MY GOD lah... that felt very fucked.. in fact i ran so slow at the end.. that one of my unit warrant officier caught up with me.. n that kinda gave me the impetus to just fucking push it...

n for the last 1km, from 20km to 21km... just run... since can see the finishing line.. n when theres something to aim.. it does not feel that far..

somehow i m still alive

haha... it was after the whole thing did i realise i was actually bleeding quite badly.. haha thankfully got aaron n yh to help wash my wound.. then basically it was sagging in the mud AGAIN.. it kinda sucks when u cant take off your shoe coz of the muddy ground.. really miss the cleaniness of the floating platform (FP was the gatherng pt for last year AHM).. anyway becoz of the muddy ground u cant really stretch well.. n anyway.. there was just too much chaos...

well i dun know my official timing.. we shld know tmr or wed.. haha .. hopefully its a decent one, at least can get finisher medal bah.. hehe

felt i cld do better, felt that if something din happen it will go better
ya.. i do regret something n i did wanted to get a better timing though i dun tink its possible

but like wad aaron said.. i will nvr ran a AHM again.. so ya
haha!

who knows.. mayb next year.. i might join when i ORD.. haha ..
with kl or otherwise .. LOLZ

of many dragons n boats rite? =P

gosh the news woke me up n really make my day man..

considering that later i got to report to camp 5 hours b4 everyone coz i got to go for a sweep b4 the Army Half MArathon... damm the person whu did the stupid planning man.. haha.. ok bitchy..

anyway this morning... in my half awake state..
the day shld just start at 1pm or later =)

mummy suddenly came in to the rm n started giving me papers..
shld b printed from the internet...
papers regarding cars.. lolz...

ya a little background info.. dearest mummy dear has finally secured a damm gd job.. lolz.. it was like a 100% increase from the shit salary from that shit place she was working at.. i mean ya with more money means more work.. but she at least is quite ok with the job.. afterall money trumps all.. haha

anyway.. mayb the money is getting to her..but ya like for my bday she was like 'lets go to a some chinese restaurant to celebrate your bday'.. n she said it during one of our normal dinners n both my bro n mine jaw just dropped ...

..err... anything wrong with u? haha

bro of course being the cynical one.. jsut had to make sure.. n she was adamant.. commanded us to free that day.. hehe.. as of now.. we shld b going to IMM the long beach there.. lolz ok lah not very ex ... but still she does not usually pamper herself or us like that..and her budget after she told us kinda convince us she really want the dinner.. lolz!

anyway.. that wwas the first.. n then later, on some other day.. she just randomly asked us if she brought a car wld we drive?

OMG OMG OMG OMG.. WTFFFFF

we all tot she was well a little nutty in a nice way.. haha ...but today she was showing all those car details..

not that i understand it much.. nvr had much interest in cars really...

haha.. ya our jaws did dropped.. now i wonder when will she actually get a car.. hmm.. and when we can drive it.. haha.. ya that made my day..

i feel happy that she is doing well even though she is not so young liao... hurrah for mummy!.. haha

well at least at the end of the busy last wk of august i can finally celebrate my bday in certain luxury with my family.. haha.. hehe mayb my bday hongbao will b larger than usual..

bday treats for all! =)

haha

such happy feelings.. r so rare...
better enjoy it while it lasts...

******

on side note... since i was in the mood..
shld i restart my WoW acct.. n heal the world?
decisions decisions..

*****

completely random..
i wil soon b able to update my photos album.. hehe more pic coming my way
i hope..

all right!

i hav this feeling inside me..
feeling a bit strange..

sigh...

why must somethings b so darn complicated?
why can we just get along?

but..

tats not how it is..

i m in a reflective mood now...



*on a side note
this year bday will b quite screwed up i tink
the wk is packed with things


SIGH

well the past weeks hav been exciting.. n it did make time pass so fast n yet pass so slow too..
haha ok i m not making sense really but really it feels fast n slow ... wonder if anyone feel tht same way as me

well it was NDP, as always the norm, we standby for security while everyone either enjoys the parade or marches in the parade.. we get the background job which of course will nvr go public coz no one gives a damm.. its rather depressing but ya i get over it .. haha... it DOES feel good to sometimes do a duty, even if it goes unnoticed..

of late..
feelings very troubled over a few things...
somethings that i tot had closure din really wanna close, wanna wish the person with all my luck n luv n protection but yet i still cant get over it... i still cant get closure to move on n well.. give up... somehow it feels like theres stil hope..


then theres that nagging feeling abt the MOE choice tat i made.. i can feel my confidence slowly being eaten away by the doubts that i hav, some created by me, some suggested by others... i really dun know wad to do


n then there r more complicated things... in life.. in my 'current' life.. i know i know some ppl like poh n leslie wld probably tell me not to care or that it does not affect them.. or that they will keep it in them.. n just simmer into fruition.. but ya

its complicated... a range of feelings can b felt n frankly it makes the soul very tired...
n since i know ppl do read my blog.. n i cant really risk ppl drawing too many conclusions i shant blog abt it...

deeply considering moving to other blogging methods where there r passwords to put to protect me..

as of now...
in short.. troubled mind..

....

i guess i wld just b happy with wad i hav, lest i fade into depression n become one of those who emo alot..

i do find it amazing that i cannot remain angry at a particular person for long... it always a bout of anger coming on... then after i worked it out.. it just vanishes.. n i find no reason to dislike the person..

of course this rule has its exceptions

well i realise that mayb in the recent days i might hav shown more than wad i usually showed... note to self that special care must b taken to hide this 'working out' process.. lest ppl once again draw their own conclusions...

but from my heart i do thanks those ppl who were there to hear me out... even if well u cld not give anything as a solution..

it was nice to hav someone or some people to bitch/talk/complain to wo having to feel 'judged'...

unlike some people..

nothings beats a nice talk ya..
i do very miss my SJI frens(kl,ed,cw,ty n the rest)... hmmm
n my bitching partner from SA has been taken away from me =P





i survived a broken family, i wil survive this....

i cant wait for this phase of my life to end...

haha

ytd was an awful day .. really it was...

i really really REALLY felt like sulking my way to hell n back...
but well being me... n how sulking is anathema to me.. i decided not to..

reflecting ....


ya ok... i guess its not wise to expect too much from ppl...

n yes i cant b frens with everyone

i guess that smile on my face will stil stay there...

though the desire to kill u still remains
haha


did i mention?
i really really REALLY cant wait for this phase of my life to end..

well well...

it has been quite some time since i actually blogged.. close to a mth of no-blogging..

nothing much has happened.. AMM (some ASEAN meeting) went on n of course it went smoothly.. or else i wld not b typing this..

things in camp r as usual.. being telling myself to not help ppl whu cant seem to help themselves.. and also trying my hardest best to get it into my mind that sometimes i just have to look out for myself..

oh wellz..
u know.. i cant help but hav this feeling.. that i m being used.. hard to explain really.. its just a feeling.. sometimes i just feel that these so called frens of army aint really frens at all.. even if they claim to be 'best friends'... u cant help but feel the fake-ness ozzing out of them.. makes u think that all those talks of 'wil rmber each other after army' r just plain bull shit...

not to mention the countless times of acting cute and emoing .. just to attract ppl attention..

frens ar... hmmm

sigh..

trying hard to not think such dark thoughts....
but ppl's actions seem to prove otherwise...

troubling indeed

well i do hav something to say though.. while i do change myself (for the better i hope) so that the world might view me in a better light.. i just cant change some stuffs..

i will b frank.. that wun change.. n neither do i see the need to shower words of unwanted praise on ppl .. there r other ways to please ppl, rather than just shoving praises n false hopes down their throat ..

n so if u r that kind of ppl whu only befriend ppl whu say what u wan to hear.. well then i suppose i just cant b your fren....

i find that very very fake


so screw off!

and while u r at it... mayb u wanna tell the whole world whu u REALLY are..






"wah lau!.. why u so GAY?"


HA!

finally did the medical check up for MOE...good riddance sia!

the wait was long even when i went there when they just opened lolz.. the nurses were not all friendly.. n the doctors r rather 'bitchy' saying like 'do as i say n it will done fast'

lolz.. thoughts that the doc is like some dominating sex master began to form in my mind.. u know specialising in some torture methods.. 'obey me n i promise this wun hurt.. much' .. lolz

SHEESH! .. ok i shld shut up now.

anyway though the check up din end as late as i tot it wld.. thank goodness sia.. however by the time it ended i did not hav time to go to the place somewhere else to do the MOE pass aka photo taking.. so i guess i wld hav to take another off.. =)

so came home.. n since i got nothing to do yet.. i went to gym loh since i din go on the wkends coz of duties n such.. as usual it felt saggish.. in fact i tink it felt saggish-er than usual.. haha.. kinda miss going gym with kl.. though now come to tink of it rather not bah.. he is in OCS now.. haha.. probabaly too much fitter than me liao.. will b depressing.. haha...

sigh.. but ya no one there with u doing gym can really make it a monotonous thing..

well anyway there was this grp of kids, probably higher pri sch n for some queer reasons they were in the gym.. haha.. ya n well bring kids they were having fun trying out the machines.. not really knowing wad to do actually... so the gym person came n like took them on some gym tour lessons.. haha...

as he tried his very best to teach them how to do the machines n well encouraging them to try it... the kids were like laughing... n well not really taking it seriously.. lolz.. most amusing was watching them exercising on the exercise mats..

did cause my rather 'nnp' face to twitch abit.. haha =)
n 2 words somehow came to mind...

Lost Innocence...

yup... i mean i tell u only ppl these young wld do such things.. however noble or naive u r.. touch your heart n u wil know its true.. its not being a cynic really its not.. it well somehow called growing up... i guess we all lose abit of our 'selves' ... u know shredding bits that we r .. so as to fit in.. coz u got to fit in this world or u will fail... of course how much we lose depends on each person... some ppl completely lose themselves... while some r able to retain themselves yet still fitting in..i strive to b the latter of course... incidentally ppl whu like to act noble or appear to follow utopian causes r usually the ones whu hav lose themselves... not saying all are .. but ya u get my pt..

touch your heart.....


'stop being so melodramatic!' a dark voice seem to creep in...

so well the smile vanished n oncame this tinge of sadness.. zzz ..

'melodramatic again..' dark voice again creeps in..


anyway if u r wondering.. ya i do find myself having such inner mind conversations .. i dun know if its becoz i m in army or wad.. but ya.. i helps clears things up i guess...

and i guess such inner mind conversations has got to do with the talking sessions i hav been having with the 'ppl from the other side' (pftos) .. they hav given me a very diff pt of view of things.. n well i finding i m starting to relate to them.. i like to call it maturing.. but ya.. i know some ppl will call it stupidity.. haha .. but ya the 'pftos' sometimes do give much advice.. i wld say we shld not so easily write them off... good to hear the 'pftos' .. they r much much much closer to the 'ground' than many of us.. n by that u know tat i know n we know tat there r ppl who r very 'high' indeed.. high n very much protected.. sigh.. whether by choice or circumstance... protected is protected...

so well.. give the 'pftos' a chance ya?

....